Period

I finally had my period after 2 years of waiting. 

Menunggu 6 hari lepas habiskan provera 5mg.

It was awkward. Period pain is so severe until today, my 6th day. 

Quite heavy flow. 

Uncomfortable. 

Pap Smear

02.01.2018

Benarlah, pengalaman orang lain tidak membantu jika kau tak alaminya sendiri.

Pap Smear asalnya memang tak sakit pun. But I dont know why, it hurts me so much. 

Doktor dengan nurse berkali pujuk suruh relaks, jangan kepit, turunkan punggung. 

Tapi aku terjerit-jerit sakit.

So doktor said, tak berjaya buat. Then proceed to scan my vagina using this transducer. 

Once done, she pulled out this stick and I saw blood floating around the gel.
Then doktor suruh buat UPT, as expected got some blood on my pantyliner.
I am still traumatized over the fact that my pap smear experience was horrible.
Sakit gila. Ngilu. Kalau basuh bawah ni still rasa sakit. Dah la sakit, tak berjaya pulak tu.

First appoinment , doktor bagi Provera untuk 5 hari. My progesterone level is too low.
Next appointment harapnya tak ada apa-apa dia masukkan kat bawah ni.

I lost my virginity to pap smear. Sigh. 

After 11 years

After 11 years of TTC, Tokti is now 4 months pregnant, alhamdulillah..

She got all the money, she can get the best gynae or the best treatment, but indeed Allah is the best planner.

MN (my husband) and I love babies sooooo very much. We tend to play peek-a-boo with random baby on the street and tease them when the parents not looking. MN once told me, if we were meant to be childless till the end, let it be. His aunts are happy without kids, they're still holding hands at 60. I do have few cousins yang pregnant only after 9 years of marriage. The key is to have a supportive other half and being happy with presence of each other.

Tapi bila makan kat luar dengan family yang ada anak, we see their struggles and look at each other, and he will ask me "are you sure you want twins?" 😀

Semoga Allah melimpahkan kasih sayang antara kita sampai bila-bila.

First step

10.10.2017

Been married for 2 years now but my last menses was one year and eight months ago. Abnormal? 

Amenorrhea. That's the term.  This irregular cycle started when I was 12, I missed my period for eight months, and since then it has been a love-hate relationship. Kejap ada, kejap tak ada. 

Why waited until 1 year & 8 months to seek for treatment? Well, I went to few private clinics and had my womb scanned, and they found nothing. So I waited, I thought the period will come sooner or later. But I guess nak tunggu sampai bila lagi? I'm getting older. 

My husband has been very supportive along the way. Tak pernah nak ungkit pasal anak, all he ever wanted for me to have my period. Then we will figure the rest out. 

So yesterday, I went to the nearest Klinik Kesihatan and got a referral letter to O&G Clinik of Hospital Serdang . My appointment with Gynae will be on 2nd January 2018.

Dekat hospital, nurse about to take my blood for progestron test; 

Nurse: Hari ni hari ke berapa?
Me: Err.. saya dah lama tak period
Nurse: Tapi awak mesti kira cycle awak kan? Mesti tahu hari keberapa? 
Me: Saya dah setahun lebih tak period, so saya memang tak boleh kira cycle.
Nurse: *Baru tengok referral letter* Ohh... Amenorrhea.. 

So a negative upt and a tube of blood. I cant wait for January. 
Semoga Allah permudahkan segala urusan :)